Milk From A Stone

Never thought much about male nipples. There’s guys who grow hair in the area, others wax it off or punch rings through them.

But for the discerning gentlemen there’s not a whole lot to think about. ‘There’s me tits’ about covers it (if we catch a glimpse in a mirror).

Until we find ourselves stranded on a walk
…at 5am
…with a hungry tot
…howling
…nay, shrieking
…clawing at one’s bosom
…pleading for sustenance
…and there ain't sh*t a dad can do.

‘Ah yes. I see the problem. My ones don’t produce milk. Sorry chum. Not much we can do about it now. Have some caramel Frappuccino.’

Enter: The Bottle!

I’ve never felt so empowered as I have roaming the streets knowing that within my lint-filled pocket, I was carrying a portoboob.

Which gets me thinking: money.

Male gay parents, women who can’t produce enough… right now people are flogging breast milk on Craiglist for $4/oz but in California it is illegal. So we could make a fortune.

Cut the good stuff with water for those LA moms worried about baby’s weight. Add a little Baileys for moms in the mood for a jolly baby. A dash of food coloring for rainbow poop.

If interested please contact: stupid@fakemail.com (serious parties only)